Posterous theme by Cory Watilo

Filed under: psychology

Honeymoon Phase Termination

In life, experiences are a lot like Indian marriages.. Your relationship could be that experience, it could be your experience in a new place or with a new technology at work.. so you get the point..but it is more apt for relationships
I have a good friend. Since he is an important part of my life, and might be mentioned in my further posts, he shall henceforth be referred to as ‘Sanakla’ .
So sanakla gets to know a girl (sanakli). This is the Introduction phase.
After this is the courtship phase. During the courtship phase sanakla impresses the sanakli and sanakli gets familiar with him. There the dropping of defences . Though people are highly opinionated, they start changing their opinions proactively during this phase.
After this is the honeymoon phase. During this phase people are blind in their judgements and they start seeing things through rose coloured glasses. Everything is awesome in this phase. The things people find cute in this phase are usually the things people find irritating later on.
Now please note… people can exit the equation at any moment in any phase. So what happens during exits.
For an exit to be called successful there are 2 critical requirements- timing and synchronization.
Synchronization as in the exit should be discussed by the parties involved and a suitable exit strategy can be developed. Else one partner could end up stranded.
Timing as in during which moment in which phase does the exit occur.
Now unfortunately for my friend Sanakla, he got caught on the wrong side of both the critical requirements. The sanakli exited at the Honeymoon phase with Sanakla still deep in the honeymoon phase which displays total lack of synchronization. Since this occurred during the honeymoon phase, our poor sanakla has only rosy memories of cute incidents. Things normally rated as 8-9/10 are amplified in the mind and rated 19-21/10. Since he never reached the Reality phase, he has not had the reality check which tells him 8-9 though good on its own is not a 19-21. Now whenever he meets a new girl, it is a comparison with a 21 which is pretty hard for the new girl to live up to.
So the solution for this problem is another Honeymoon phase with a proper reality check after that. But to get to a new honeymoon phase he needs to come out of this one first…. Which makes the problem recursive for poor sanakla :(

Primary Secondary and Tertiary

People, with respect to social interactions can be broadly classified as either Primary, Secondary or Tertiary.
Primaries.. are those who have fun irrespective of the type of group they are in. They are the fun part of the group, so the fun goes with them. They are bubbly, excitable, energetic and sometimes hyper.
Secondaries ..are those people who need to have primaries to have fun. But when in the company of a primary become energetic and bubbly and energized. Though they can also be sober and quiet when in company of non-primary people.
Then comes the Tertiaries.. these guys are sober all the time, irrespective of the group they are with or the people they are with.. you can pretty much be sure that they won’t be too involved in the wild side nor will they be a source of any fun.
The primary can’t understand why the tertiary is soo tertiary compared to his own energetic self. He doesn’t mind the secondary as the secondary becomes Primary in company of a Primary. But the primary needs tertiaries around him to satisfy his bloated ego. The primary needs to be source of fun and the cynosure of the group .If there is more than one primary and the chemistry between them not good, things can get fiercely competitive and it rarely ends up with 2 primaries bonding, rather the lesser primary ends up sulking.
The Tertiaries cant hang out with themselves as they find each other boring. Nor can secondaries hang out by themselves or with tertiaries as they don’t know where to start.
So for a group of friends who hang out, the optimal combination is something like this
1-2 primaries(depending on the size of the group).
4-6 secondaries( they add to the fun with out the competitiveness of the primaries).
3-4 tertiaries( they add to the stability and sanity of the group. The group led by a wild primary and followed by the secondaries needs a sounding board).
So after reading this, What are you? Primary, Secondary or Tertiary?

My Thoughts after a sandwich

If you follow How I met your mother, you will know what I am talking. It is not like I love sandwiches. But I’m not exactly a sandwich virgin. I have noticed something very interesting though. It’s my thought process after eating a sandwich. It’s like the speed of my thoughts increase so fast that my brain is not able to link them effectively. Also there are several concurrent threads of thoughts which arise from the same thread but vary so much. This variation among the threads is so much that one more thread arises just to analyze these variations. The whole combinations of these threads get very confusing and my brain seems to be a ball of active and dormant threads.
Another interesting thing I have noticed is that most of the thoughts are recursive in nature. Like I experience all these threads and I am thinking of telling this to somebody (MBA usually..Sorry if most of you don’t understand. This post is more for just expressing myself ) then there is usually a thread which is me actually telling somebody and one thinking I am experiencing the previous thread. All these threads and their analysis makes the bed spin when I close my eyes and opening my eyes just gives rise to more inputs for threads to arise which is why - KIDS STAY AWAY FROM SANDWICHES.

JAI HO! and the Indian need for Western acceptance

About 3 yrs ago, I attended an AR Rahman concert in Bangalore, held at Palace grounds( in the centre of Bangalore). Not many people attended that concert though, and lucky for me, I was promoted from Rs 600 stand to the Rs 900 one. 3yrs and 2 Oscars later, there was another Rahman concert, this time in Shamshabad, 50kms from Hyderabad, and believe me you had to walk quite a bit. And there was such a huge crowd that the previous concert in Blore seemed like a small village fair.
Now any true Rahman fan will acknowledge that Slumdog Millionaire, though good is not among his best. Jai Ho is no where in the same league as Kehna hi kya, or a Roja or even E ajnabi.. But people who never really appreciated these songs now listen to them and say “wow Rahman is good” . We know that Rahman is good, that he’s awesome.. But what I need to know is why was an Oscar required to make some of us realize that.
I have noticed this quite a few times actually.. the Indian need for western acceptance. The waiters are more polite to the Gore memsaab than the lady with the sari at tourist spots—though this could be due to the extra income in dollars .
This need for acceptance and appreciation from outside stems from the underlying belief that they are better than us and we need to impress them. I think we need to have more pride in ourselves as a nation. I know everybody says they are proud to be Indian esp around mid August and end jan but I feel that is very superficial. The schools play a major role in shaping the future generation and should involve a lot more of our culture, heritage varied as it may be, inculcate more pride about being Indian among the kids. The parents too should play a major role towards this endeavor. Encourage kids to buy more Indian. Why pepsi when you have lime juice or majge? May be not in everything, but where ever we can, we should buy INDIAN when ever we have a choice.
So we become more independent, so that we don’t lose much foreign exchange, So that we don’t need an award from outside to tell us that our Rahman makes magic with music :)
Jai ho JAI HIND!!!

The story of a Cigarette

This may not be true to some, but i think its largely true...since i have gone thru this i will share wht i feel about it...how does one start smoking...for me it was the peers...for most it is the same..i did not want to smoke..i just wanted to be able to take a puff and leave it out wid flourish..trying to do tat got me addicted..to fit in..along with everybody...it might hurt somebody's ego to accept tat but its true wid almost every smoker..once the smoking is started...i started associating smoking with different feelings..
"i am happy..lets celebrate and have a smoke "
"i am tensed...man i need a smoke"
"bugger i fought wid my girlfren..lets go have smoke"
etc etc etc

Wht happens is when u smoke, the tobacco makes ur brain release dopamine which is also released during sensations such as happiness,joy etc. so ppl might say that they smoke cuz it give them the feeling of happiness..NOT TRUE..

At first its cool...then u lik the buzz...but aftr sometim ur body gets adjusted to it..Damn no buzz anymore...only the first cigarette gets u the buzz..soon that doesnt happen anymore as well..then u stil cont smokin..why? cuz its the associations..
its lik some ppl write a diary not cuz they can express themseves but cuz everybody writes it...soon they jus report events rather than feelings which doesnt serve the purpose at al..

To quit you have to first stop the associations..the associations are already there..then replace them wid somethin else..
"i am happy...lets have beer/chocolate"
"i am sad..let me go pet my dog"
etc
those who wanna quit don have to fight so hard if your emotional support systems(read associations) are strong
So smokers if you do come across this post pls leave a comment regarding my theory

The SECRET

If you've read of the secret, I am sure u'l knw wht i am talkin about.. wht most of these ppl say is- you got to visualize and see it happening. I hve not consciously tried it yet but i hve noticed that whenever i am excited about somethin i do visualize it in my mind...longing for it..imagining every detail..but the more i do tat, the more likely it never happens... surprising considering i do all the visualization without planning to..whts going wrong..i've been pondering...may b i am just unlucky..but i have noticed it happen to many... may b thats why ppl say go without expectation..tho i very much agree with that as whtever u get is a bonus wid that attitude towards life...if you really want somethin..its allowed to expect it to happen/work...cuz thats faith..WHY DOES IT WORK THE OTHER WAY THEN?? my explanation to that is when u long for somethin and really excited and visualize..u are dreaming..feeling the emotions an al as reqd but ur stil longing for it..THE SECRET says that u got think it will happen..KNOW IT WILL HAPPEN...thats when the universe conspires to make it happen..if you have more insight into the descrepancy...pls comment